Arby’s Bought Buffalo Wild Wings

So I’m reading the news just now and I see that Arby’s has purchased Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion.  Here’s the crazy part:  The deal wasn’t for stock options, as most large corporate acquisitions are, it was for STRAIGHT CASH.  Apparently profits have been dwindling in casual dining establishments as people realize they can actually cook better food themselves.  I needed to post a quick opinion piece.

Can we talk about how terrible Buffalo Wild Wings is for a second?  I have friends that work there (sorry Jake) so definitely keep supporting your local Buffalo Wild Wings — tip well and don’t pick your food up at the carry-out counter and then eat there to avoid tipping.  It’s literally an entire business based upon people feeling comfortable going to a recognizable bar.  Its the Planet Fitness of bars.  There’s no hometown feel, no drunk owner sitting at the end of the bar randomly buying people shots (looking at you, Powell’s Pub), just a bunch of random sports memorabilia and way too many TVs.  It’s like a bizarro Chuck E Cheese for adults.  But people will continue going there because it’s a recognizable name and they know exactly what they are walking into.  People need to be comfortable!

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Can we talk about how bad the wings are at a place called Buffalo Wild WINGS?  It’s almost offensive that a chain specializing in chicken wings is serving bad chicken wings.  In a world where fresh food is thriving and people are actually starting to give a shit what they eat, Buffalo Wild Wings is cutting open bags of frozen chicken wings, frying them, covering them in spicy corn syrup and serving them to you in a paper boat.  Buffalo Wild Wings is home to people who prefer boneless wings to actual chicken wings and pay a MORE to eat chicken nuggets rather than actual wings.  These are the same people who put pineapple on their pizza.

Small complaint, can I get a beer list?  I can’t see far enough to see all of your taps and I’m not trying to be that guy that asks you to name all forty beers on tap.

Smaller complaint, why do I need to drink Pepto Bismol after eating your food?  Am I old or does my stomach just get pissed at me for paying way too much for shitty frozen food?

Bigger complaint, if people are paying a premium for your cheap, terrible food WHY DOES YOUR ALCOHOL COST SO MUCH MONEY?  I once paid $6.25 for 22oz of Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat at a Buffalo Wild Wings.  Why?  Because I’m an idiot.  If you allowed me to drink more I drop my inhibitions and give in to paying top dollar for frozen wings.  It makes sense.

Random question, what percentage of Buffalo Wild Wings regulars have a Planet Fitness Gym membership?

Closing remarks —  It’s no wonder that the need for places like Buffalo Wild Wings are declining and it’s fitting that Arby’s is now the owner of 100% of their company.  People realize that they can purchase a bag of shitty frozen wings from the grocery store and their TV at home is better than all 78 of Buffalo Wild Wings’ TVs.  I guess this is kind of a deep message for an opinion about Buffalo Wild Wings being terrible but don’t seek out a recognizable name and decide to go there.  Try out a local hole in the wall bar for a change and maybe you’ll actually be served a drink the owner who gives a shit if you come back.  You’ll avoid a gigantic bill, a stomach ache from the terrible food and best of all you’ll probably find a new favorite place.


The Drink to End All Summer Drinks

Summer is here and of course that means it’s time to add fruity shit to our alcohol and drink it outside.  

Not so fast….

It seems like every Summer in my quest for outdoor drinking I stumble upon for a new beer and/or a new drink .  Years ago it was Oberon and some shitty liquor that probably got mixed with a shittier fruit juice.  It’s graduated over the years to better beer, better liquor but not better fruit juice (looking at you, Everfresh).   The Summer of 2017 has culminated to the best beer and the best drink of any Summer yet.  The best part of all, there’s no shitty fruit juice involved.

If you’re willing to pay a few extra dollars than you’re currently paying for your Summer drink of choice, I have the best concoction that’s ever gone into a glass during a hot summer day for sitting in a chair in your front yard while yelling at cars to slow down. Something to make older people feel young and younger people feel old.  It’s the best of all worlds.

Liquor?  Check.

Beer?  Check.

Lemonade?  Check.

Non-Alcoholic Mixer?  Nope.

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you… The Southern 75.


The first ingredient in this incredible concoction is a beer I finally purchased after hearing people talk about it for months.  Old Nation Brewing’s M-43 IPA is making any other “Summer style beer” look absolutely silly.  It’s a New England Style IPA meaning it’s a cloudier and more full bodied version of those IPAs you were drinking while trying to discover craft beer.  It’s close to 7% alcohol and goes down smooth with a taste of oranges, lemons and grapefruits.  Seriously, if you haven’t had this stuff get off your ass. If you can’t locate M-43 or if $15 for a 4-pack is a little rich for your blood any other IPA will do.  Try to look for something smooth — not a double IPA or anything crazy like that.

The second ingredient is bourbon.  What else?  Be careful here, though.  Use a smoother bourbon — Think Makers Mark or Four Roses.  You could go with Wild Turkey 101 if you’re feeling really crazy but remember that this entire drink is alcohol.  A higher proof bourbon will only allow you 2-3 of these, depending on your drinking abilities, and no one likes a lightweight.


Once you have acquired your ingredients, it’s time to mix.  Grab literally any glass you have available to you.  It could be a plastic cup.  It really doesn’t matter.

  1. Add 1/2 oz of simple syrup.
  2. Add 2/3 oz of lemon juice
  3. Stir, add ice.
  4. Add 2 oz of bourbon
  5. Add half a bottle of IPA
  6. Go outside and drink

How crazy you want to get with this is up to you.  If you’re into fancy cocktails put all of those ingredients in a shaker, add a few dashes of bitters and mix in a cocktail shaker. This will give you that foam effect you see in the image above that I blatantly stole from a different site. Lemon peel is completely optional.

AAAAAAND there you go.  The Southern 75 aka the best Summer drink in the history of Summer drinks. 100% alcohol mixture of beer, bourbon and Lemonade.  What could be better?  That’s a rhetorical question because the answer is nothing.


Kentucky Bourbon Trail

I remember very clearly the first time I saw something about barrel aged liquor.   I was in a subway in New York and there was poster advertising about how Jack Daniels is clear before it goes into the barrels.  After years of aging, it took on the colors of the barrel and came out a light brown.  I was in my late teens so I was more interested in Burnett’s Vodka and Bacardi Limon at the time, but this alway stuck with me.

Anyone who has drank a significant amount of alcohol with me knows that I’ve been a Gin man for quite a while now.  This was my sort of my graduation from shitty alcohol in my late teens and early 20s to something a little bit more sophisticated.  My curiosity for the culinary world began to drift into the alcohol I was drinking.  It was interesting to me how different brands seemed to have different spices and how you could pair it with things like cucumber and enhance the taste.  I began drinking my alcohol straight (or neat), or on the rocks without a chaser.  Alcohol became less of something that just gets you fucked up and more of a new world to explore.  About a year ago I starting drinking and enjoying Bourbon, which you could probably say has sent me down an alcoholic rabbit hole of exploration.

I have written a couple posts about my food travels through Kentucky, but the real reason I drove five hours through the worst state in the country (Ohio) was to gain a first hand education on American Whiskey, specifically Kentucky Bourbon.  The more I tasted and the more I read about this spirit the more I wanted to see how it was made, the people that make it and taste it directly from the source.  I planned out visits to six distilleries in five days and what resulted from it was a deep appreciation for all things Bourbon.

Now I’m not going to make this a post where I go into great detail and give a “review” about each distillery I traveled to.  I will say that I visited Buffalo Trace, Wild Turkey, Four Roses, Jim Beam, Makers Mark and Woodford Reserve.  The thing I want to do with this post is share history of Bourbon, a little bit of the process and try to help you understand why I now have such a deep appreciation for something that seems like just another liquor that you buy in a bottle.  I’m also going to try and do it in a way that is interesting to you.  I hope I can help you appreciate the next drink of bourbon that you try and if you haven’t had Bourbon before, maybe it will motivate you to try it.


So what is Bourbon anyways?  It’s actually very simple.  Bourbon is a Whiskey made out of a combination of at least 51 percent corn, malt(grain), wheat and rye.  The percentage of corn is very important, as you legally cannot call what you’re making “Bourbon”, unless it contains a minimum of 51% corn. That is the first legal requirement we will get into.  From there, everything is ground up and mixed with water.  This step is why 95% of Bourbon in the United States is produced in Kentucky. Kentucky’s rivers and lakes are covered in massive amount of limestone.  Limestone acts as a natural filtration for iron and produces iron-free water that is perfect for Bourbon.  You may bring up that there are plenty of places in the world where this much limestone exists as well, which brings us to our second legal requirement for Bourbon.  It must be produced in the United States.  You take grain and cook it in water. The water extracts the sugars from the grain and puts them into solution. This mixture is called the mash.  Next, adding yeast consumes sugar and releases alcohol through the process of fermentation. The mash ferments until it reaches approximately 11-12% alcohol. At that point, the alcohol kills the yeast and the fermentation process stops.


It is then ran through a giant still, think of it as a giant copper chimney, and heat is applied to the bottom which separates the solids from the clear (the alcohol evaporates) and gives you what distillers call white dog, but the rest of just call moonshine.  This clear grain alcohol typically ranges from 125 proof all the way up to 160 proof, which brings us to our third legal requirement.  The white dog cannot be distilled to more than 160 proof and cannot enter the barrels at more than 125 proof.  Distillers use water to alter the proof throughout the process.


Now we enter the fourth legal requirement for Bourbon — It must be aged in new, charged oak containers.  That’s right, a Bourbon barrel must be set on fire for a period of 15-55 seconds and may not be used to age Bourbon a second time.  The barrels are then placed in a large warehouse filled with other barrels for different periods of time, typically four to six years.  Depending on which floor the barrel sits on, the Bourbon will taste different due to pressure and humidity.  The liquid enters the crevices of the barrels in the Summer and is then expelled in the Winters.  Think of a ten year Bourbon has having the liquid enter and leave the barrel ten times.  There is no legal requirement on how long the bourbon sits, but the more expensive Bourbons sit for decades.  Bottles of a 23 year aged Pappy Van Winkle can go for $5,000 if you can find it.  The fascinating thing about that price tag to me, is it is made the same exact way a $20 bottle of Buffalo Trace is made — a combination of corn, wheat, rye and mash, then aged in oak barrels.


Just like Jack Daniels told me all those years ago, the clear liquid leaves the barrels as a light brown liquid that can legally be called Bourbon, as long as it is as least eighty proof when it enters the bottle for sale.  This is the fifth, and final legal requirement to sell Bourbon.  These legal requirements are why you will never see a low alcohol Bourbon, fruit flavored Bourbons or clear Bourbons.  You may see a bourbon blended a flavor additive, but it is illegal to add any flavoring or coloring during the distilling process.  What you’re seeing is basically moon shine taking in flavors from the wood which gives is a deep, sweet flavor depending on the type of oak the distiller used and the amount of time the barrel was allowed to burn.  If you’ve ever had Makers Mark 64, you are tasting French oak that is added to give you a smoother taste than American oak. The long char opens the pores in the wood to add the sweetness.


So if you actually read all that you might have a deeper appreciation for your next glass of Bourbon.  What you’re drinking is the product of hundreds of years of perfecting, potentially a decade or more of aging and generations of people working to create the perfect American Whiskey.  What’s more amazing is there is absolutely no waste when it comes to Bourbon production.  The leftover corn mixture is sold to farmers to feed livestock and the barrels are sold to make other types of Whiskey and barrel aged beers.

I will leave you with this.  The production, the history and the science are absolutely fascinating parts of something you could see as so simple.  Even more interesting are the people responsible for the production.  Master Distillers dedicate their lives to producing something that may turn out to be a complete waste of time but they won’t know for five to ten years while it ages.  Generations of families have been employees of distilleries and see it as their family calling to work for the business.  So much time, love and tradition go into the industry in Kentucky.  The perfect example of this is Freddie Johnson, a third generation employee of Buffalo Trade Distillery and led my two hour tour throughout the facility.  Even if you didn’t appreciate all of this, I hope you will read his story.

All Bourbon is whiskey, but not all whiskey is Bourbon.”